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We snuck out late, after listening at our parents' doors to make sure they had fallen asleep enough to miss the noise of our cars leaving.Arriving at the beach, it became clear that the weather was not conducive to hanging out. My friend Monica and her boyfriend, who had recently lost their virginities together, immediately holed themselves up in his car, and I knew they would be practicing their newly discovered hobby to help them generate heat.

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It was just a quick peck, but it stopped me mid-sentence. "I can't help myself," she whispered in the darkness.It was worth it though, for that one night, that one hour of honest innocence and senseless happiness.I'll never forget it, and I'll never forget her.But my body didn't give me time to think about how miserable that would make me in the near future.I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything before in my life.The experience was not pleasurable for me, but it wasn't particularly unpleasurable either, so I continually assured them that it was great when they asked. I dashed outside naked and ran across the ice to some bushes.

As I passed Monica's car, I heard nothing; she and her boyfriend had gone to sleep.

She hadn't acknowledged my interest, though, except to say that she wanted to be single after a bad experience breaking up with her last boyfriend. "A lot." "Me too," was her answer, and she leaned over and gave me a quick hug.

I arrived an hour late, and as we were loading her luggage into the trunk of my '94 Volvo, it stalled out, so we were stuck waiting in the front seat until it would start again. I asked her about her vacation (she lived in Hong Kong, so any story was interesting), and told her about mine. In the darkness I fumbled for my keys and tried the ignition again; the car started and we headed for our college.

So I'd been surprised the first time she had asked if she could just fall asleep in my bed (we'd been watching the online and she said she was too comfortable to get up).

But I'd gotten used to it, and understood that it didn't mean anything. I wanted to stay with her, even knowing that my affection wasn't reciprocated. " I rolled over and pulled her head toward mine, and kissed her as passionately as my inexperienced lips would allow. We made out for hours, and I felt and saw real breasts for the first time in my life, but we stopped short of going further that night.

Soon though, we had to turn off the music and heater, because we knew that neither my gas tank or my battery would last through the cold night. When I didn't laugh the suggestion off, my friend looked at me more seriously, and asked if I would honestly be okay with it. We started with me making out with each of them in turn.