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Finally, he requested to be allowed to make a speech on TV. Karl Marx uttered the following sentence: "Workers of all countries, forgive me.""See, comrades, after this five-year plan is completed, every family will have a separate apartment.

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He called the Chairman of the KGB Lavrentiy Beria and said, "Lavrentiy Pavlovich, my pipe disappeared after the visit of those workers."Once Stalin invited several Marshals of the Soviet Union and ordered them to wrestle in front of him on a carpet. Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking.Mr Putin alleged the detention of 10 Russian servicemen came after they crossed the border 'by accident', a claim widely disbelieved in Kiev, which claims it has faced repeated attacks from Kremlin troops in a conflict which has seen almost 2,300 deaths.Blitzed: Smoke rises from the Kiev-held town of Novoazovsk after it was shelled by rebel forces, raising fears they are launching a counter-offensive hours after leaders met to discuss the escalating crisis Novoazovsk lies on the Azov Sea on the road that runs from Russia to the major Ukrainian port of Mariupol and west to Crimea, raising fears the separatists are seeking to create a land link between Russia and Crimea, which Russia annexed in March.The expert said, "The best way is to organize a collective farm for bedbugs.Then half of them will flee, and the rest will croak.""Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all is rejected. The caption is "The third from left - comrade Khrushchev."Once Stalin received a delegation of workers from the Urals.We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there."A foreign delegation came unexpectedly to a collective farm. After they left, the Chairman of the collective farm called the District Party committee.

"You didn't warn me in advance, so they saw everything, the ruined cow sheds, and all the dirt, and all our misery and poverty."In a questionnaire for applicants to the communist Party membership one of the questions was, "What is your attitude to the Soviet authority?

If, though, the situation in the USSR happened to be bad, and John would be afraid of writing the truth, he wo In three months John sent his first report. The officials at the passport office said, "Then why won't your brother rather come over here?

"To alleviate the perennial shortages of butter, The Politburo of the Communist Party ordered the Soviet scientists to develop a technology for converting shit into butter, and to complete this project on or before the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. An illiterate peasant woman, she had but one dress and no shoes. She is an exemplary milkmaid known over the entire region. He was the poorest man in this village, had no horse, no cow, and even no axe. He is a tractor driver, and has two pairs of shoes! He was a nasty hooligan, a lowest drunkard, a dirty gadabout. The plan is fulfilled, but the shelves in the stores are empty.

The emotional pleas from the women, and the disturbing account of an enormous new deployment of Russian firepower in Ukraine, raises searching questions on Mr Putin's aims in the dispute, hours after he informed the world he was committed to an end to bloodshed.

Ukrainian premier Arseny Yatseniuk said his country needed 'practical help' from Nato, with which it has the status of a special partner, and demanded 'momentous' decisions at its summit in Wales in early September.

"Two brothers, John, and Bob, who lived in America and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSR.